Does Not Work Well with Others

At the pound, on every dog's kennel there's a card that gives a little bio about them. It says things like name, gender, age, whether they were surrendered or a caught stray, breed, and temperment(are they good with kids, do they play well with other dogs, etc.). If I were a dog at the pound, the paper card on my kennel would probably say "Does not work well with others." I never have worked well with others, really. Somehow that doesn't sound right though. Sometimes, especially now, it feels like my card should say "Not worked well with by others," or "Others do not work well with her." 

We're doing group projects on Shakespeare plays in AP English right now. My group is doing Macbeth. And by "my group," I mean mostly me, and partially two other group members out of the five of us. I spent about five hours on this project tonight, I just finished. I feel like I can't rely on anybody to do what they need to do. I guess it's kind of a good thing though, because as a result of my not believing other people would do their jobs, I prepared by starting to do their parts on my own, just incase they didn't come up with jack shit. And what do you know...that's exactly what went down.

My fingers are fucking shaking right now, my eyes are stinging, my mind is spinning, and I feel like my body is deteriorating. I just get so stressed and angry when people are that unreliable. I mean, I don't do a lot of my schoolwork, and my grades are disgusting, but when I'm in a group for a project, I will not let other people down, because that's just kind of a fucked up thing to do. 

Fuck this shit, I'm going to bed. I probably won't be able to sleep for a few hours, but damn it, whatever, I'll think of someway to put my brain on pause.

No, no I won't. I never will. AAAGH. My mind will never slow down, never rest, never shut the fuck up.

Oh shit, I literally feel like I'm spinning.

Goodnight.

By the way, Mika texted me back finally this morning. Apparently he's kind of been on lock down, because Thais's parents found the bottles in the garage, so he and Thais are sort of grounded right now. It's a relief knowing he's not just totally bored with me or something.

GoodnightX2