I Divorced Him

I facebook divorced him.

I clicked the x next to his name for the first time in four weeks.

I told him what I could

of what is in my head

and he said nothing back.

I said goodbye.

He said nothing back.

That was when I cancelled our relationship

And clicked away his box.

I am trying to feel liberated

but I can not get out of that box

that I just clicked away.

Separation is not organic

for me.

It has always been a conscious decision

Not to play with Barbie dolls anymore

To put my stuffed animals in a bag in the attic

To teach myself to stop being ticklish

To stop watching Dragon Tales

To assume No Contact status

and forget about that person

and that attachment.

I do not grow out of things

and I never have.

It was always more like

I was never a child

just a little adult

who knew what year it was

and when it was time to move

to the next stage in my childhood.

Artificially created childhood.

Yeah.

This afternoon I finished the drawing/painting I started yesterday for Michael. I think I might visit him tomorrow in the hospital and give it to him. Poor kid. 

Always love.