Cast List

There are so many new people to write about now, but nobody back home knows them. Well, not nobody, but hardly anybody. Therefore, it is time that I make a cast list con picturas galore. Character bios should help.

Megan/Meegz/Megladon

Best friend of two and a half years. Everybody has probably heard me talk about her before. Love this bitch. I cannot imagine how college would be if we hadn't gone to Guilford together. She understands me more than just about anybody (with the exception of Alice, mi hermana). She's from Maryville, TN. We're planning on being roomies next year in Mary Hobbs (classy as fuck all girls upperclassmen dorm). Mary Hobbs has wood floors and awesome antique doorknobs. So psyched. We are also moving to NYC together when we graduate, to act and live and be merry.

Noah

I met Noah my second weekend here at a bonfire (there are drunken bonfires every weekend in the Guilford forest), although I had technically already met him because he lives on my hall. We went to Carolina's Diner at 4 AM and were instant friends. Well, first we were hookups for a couple weeks, but now he's like a brother to me, and it's weird thinking that we were ever hooking up. He's from Danbury, NC; I think that's what it's called. It's pretty nearby. He plays bass in a metalcore band called Sephiroth (geeky, right?). They have shows most weekends, so he's often not here to party with us on Saturday nights. It's not what he plays in the band, but he's a fucking brilliant guitar player, I am so jealous. He ran in high school, and wasn't going to here, but now he is joining the track team. He smokes a ton of pot. Then again, it's Guilford, so that's pretty normal.

Ryan Wroblewski/Baby Ryan/Ry

Ryan Wroblewski is another one of my brothers here at Guilford (I have so many, it is ridick). He also lives on my hall, in the room across from me. We have a shit ton of Ryans here for some reason; just on my hall alone there are three, and that's out of like fifteen people. Because of this, we have to call them other things. For Ryan W, it happened to become "Baby Ryan." He doesn't like that name though, for obvious reasons, so I have been trying very hard not to call him that (to his face). He runs xcountry/track and is from Virginia Beach. He has the most impressive sneaker collection that I have ever seen, it's an obsession. Kinda republican, but I love him anyways. I think he's double majoring in sports management and business.

Zewek

The one in the leather jacket. The guy next to him is James, his roommate (so weird). They live on my hall. Some of you probably know Zewek, like Julie. He's a fellow citizen of the Dirty D. Again, one more of my brothers. He plays rugby and he's silly as fuck. One of the most high-energy people I've ever known. Naturally, he seems to be fairly injury-prone.

Alright, I'm done for the moment being. I'm just going to publish this now, instead of saving it as a draft. I intend to make another installment to the Cast List later today, but there's no knowing, really. After all, this is me.

Love!

Spaceship outside the WIndow

The lights keep flickering. The blinds are dancing up a lovely horror.

When the wind whistles through Bryan it makes a spaceship that you can hear even here in Binford.

It's been a while, people. I have been wanting very much to blog lately, so I am doing so. This will not last. It may be the only time. I do not care.

I am happier than I ever thought I could be. Guilford is a home I have been looking for. Isn't that funny? I have a home outside of convention.

Tomorrow I have my last class of the semester. I can hardly believe that one eighth of my college career is pretty much over. I am afraid to leave college and be out on my own like a real, live grown-up. It is years from now, but nearing quickly.

Of course, I will not be truly alone. Megan and I are moving to NY together after graduation. We have made the executive decision that if, by the time we are thirty-five, we are still not married or in serious relationships, we will get married and adopt a little asian girl. We are assuming that gay marriage will be legal by than. If it is not, then the world is just plain ridiculous.

We'll have to get other roomies too, obviously. We're going to be poor as shit actors. Parker asked me yesterday if he can live with us. He wants to be a politician. I said yes. He is silly.

Yesterday Parker and Sarah were making a sculptey bowl on Jesse's floor (with metal parts, of course). They smoked it later and apparently it really worked. Probably smoked it in Stuart's room.

I spent a lot of my day yesterday sitting on Jesse's bed drawing. I drew pictures of Ryan Joy and Stuart. The one of Stuart was the best. Ryan put his on his fridge with his minute clinic magnet. I smiled.

Will kept looking at me and Ryan Joy oddly yesterday. I think it was because of the combination of our penchant for cuddling and Ryan's having a girlfriend back home. He kept giggling at us.

I guess it is obvious what is going on.

fml.

Actually, what is obvious is probably not even what is true. I am pretty sure that everybody on our hall thinks we are hooking up. We are, in fact, not.

Who knows what the future holds in store, though.

Saturday night, technically Sunday morning, I came back to my room at five AM. Half the lights in the room were on, and Lia was sprawled out on her bed in her clothes, over the covers, face down in her pillow. She looked up a bit after I entered. Without even saying so much as "hello," she looks at me and says "Did you get with Ryan Joy?" Oh, marijuana. Oh, alcohol. Oh, college.

I wrote this yesterday, but Meg came in and so I saved it as a draft. I'll hopefully write another today. Maybe a character guide for the story of my college experience. :)

LOVE!

If I Could Sleep Forever

(title is from the song Sleep by The Dandy Warhols; go listen to it, it's amazing.)

I am in over my head. The play I'm directing is already freaking me out completely, mostly due to Mr. Martin, and it's only been a week; we haven't even begun rehearsing yet. 

I am so weak right now. I didn't start feeling this bad until four fifteen or so. At four fifteen I took a half hour nap. Then around six I went back to bed, and slept until nine. It hurts so badly to walk. My limbs are like jello, but then at the same time they feel like dry old bones. Like those cow bones I used to dig up with my mom and my cousins when I was younger, in the forest behind my grandmother's house. They easily could have been a hundred years old. We would bring them to the ancient gazebo in the woods and pretend to be archaeologists, cleaning them up and displaying them on the gazebo table. They were so dry. There would be pieces chipped off of many of them, and you could see their insides. I can't even explain how it looked, but that's how what I feel like I'm made out of; the insides of old cow bones. 

Once we found a deer skull. It was also really old. Part of the hard outer bone of what I guess you could call the muzzle was broken off, so you could see what was under the bone. It was so strange. I don't quite know what it was...maybe long ago deteriorated cartilage or something. It was basically like tissue paper. Rolls of delicate cream-colored tissue paper. It was truly quite lovely, as morbid as that may sound.

I have to go now, there's this terrible pressure behind my eyes, I can't keep them open any longer.

Until next time, loves.

Tagged

I was tagged by Julie at Candy Hearts to make a poem starting with the second letter of my last name. Sorry it took me forever to do this, I've just been so busy.

Apples float into my head

through the tiny stereo in my ear (its twin is in yours).

I can't see them,

But I feel like

they're probably red.

You say you want to show them to me

because I'm glow-in-the-dark;

We just can't see the dark

in this summer sunshine,

sand between our toes.

I could say the same about you.

There's sunshine straw

that's soft between my fingers

sleeping on your head, slipping over your crown,

and your eyes, 

each a dark little dot

with a pale and bright blue light behind it

pushing around its silhouette

and contained by a fine but strong navy ring,

burn circles into my mind.

I can't see them,

but I feel like

they're probably red.

I tag Adma.

And by Adma I mean Adam.

AAAAAAAAAH

OH DEAR LORD. 

THE JACKET IS BACK IN STOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Unfortunately, it's only back in stock in camel and not the navy or black, but it was in medium, and I just ordered it, and I feel like I'm going to die of joy. Seriously. I will die of joy and be buried in that fucking glorious piece of outerwear. It doesn't even show up when you're browsing the urban outfitters website. I was searching for it on google, trying to find somebody selling one secondhand or something. Lo and behold, I came upon a link to the product's page...and it was magically back in stock! My guess is somebody returned one...and I got it!!! Oooh lord...I haven't been this happy in weeks. First a totally amazing episode of BSG, and then the return of what seems to be me in jacket form.

Mmm...everything is beautiful.

:D

I Divorced Him

I facebook divorced him.

I clicked the x next to his name for the first time in four weeks.

I told him what I could

of what is in my head

and he said nothing back.

I said goodbye.

He said nothing back.

That was when I cancelled our relationship

And clicked away his box.

I am trying to feel liberated

but I can not get out of that box

that I just clicked away.

Separation is not organic

for me.

It has always been a conscious decision

Not to play with Barbie dolls anymore

To put my stuffed animals in a bag in the attic

To teach myself to stop being ticklish

To stop watching Dragon Tales

To assume No Contact status

and forget about that person

and that attachment.

I do not grow out of things

and I never have.

It was always more like

I was never a child

just a little adult

who knew what year it was

and when it was time to move

to the next stage in my childhood.

Artificially created childhood.

Yeah.

This afternoon I finished the drawing/painting I started yesterday for Michael. I think I might visit him tomorrow in the hospital and give it to him. Poor kid. 

Always love.

Wishlistin' and Guitar Playin'

I've been making my birthday wishlists online. So far I've done my F21 one and almost finished my UO list. It's actually really fun picking stuff out. Of course, everything I've picked out is clothing...>_<

I want to start writing some music again. My guitar finally has new strings, and it's b-e-a-utiful. I know I'll totally suck when I pick it up again. I have to wait until I have a good chunk of time home alone to play. No way am I playing with other people around to hear me. Not until I get better again. I miss writing and playing my music, as terrible as it is/was.

I went to the new Ikea this weekend and had a panic attack. Then I got carsick on the ride home from Charlotte, and we got stuck in a traffic jam for forty miles. Fun. I did get some cute lace curtains though, finally. 

I wonder if I'll even be able to find any of my picks. I hope I can find my favorite one. It's a thick medium sized clear red plastic one with little holes in it. It's been my favorite since seventh or eighth grade.

My new steel strings are so shiny. They're just glinting at me from the corner of my room. I can't wait to play again.

:)